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Campaign
You can tell it's an election year. The Statue of Liberty is holding her nose.
The campaign is getting dirty. Somebody broke into (Candidate's) headquarters and let the air out of his speeches.
Candidates
I think (Candidate) is getting nervous. I saw him on TV kissing hands and shaking babies.
Congress
Harry Truman once said, "The buck stops here." George W. Bush once said, "The buck never got here because Congress spent it."
Congress is composed of two co-equal bodies: representatives who don't know the half of it, and senators who don't know the other half.
Conservatives
You have to be careful what you say about Tom DeLay. He doesn't have that many supporters, but they all carry guns!
Parties
God wants us to laugh. That's why he gave us Democrats.
The bad news is that the Democrats want to raise taxes for working people. The good news is that thanks to Republicans, soon there won't be any working people.
Politicians
There are a lot of Texans in Washington, and I don't want to scare anybody, but the last time so many prominent Texans were in one place was at the Alamo.
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