CuteChoice > One Liners > Heart wants more

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of it's head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

A woman is an occasional pleasure, but a cigar is always a smoke.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Do you think I can buy back my introduction to you?

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

Here's to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

I drink to make other people interesting.

I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.

I hope they bury me near a strait man.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

If I held you any closer I'd be in back of you.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.

I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry, and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, that is of course if you like living in an institution.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

My brother thinks he's a chicken, we don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Oh, you're from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah? He lived in whales for awhile.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

The only game I like to play is 'Old Maid', providing she's not too old.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing, if you can fake that you've got it made.

There's one thing I want to do before I quit ... Retire.

There's only one way to find out if a man is honest, ask him, if he says yes, you know he's crooked.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana.

Time wounds all heels.

Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses, on second thought, just let me cover your face.

You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.

You're heading for a breakdown, why don't you pull yourself to pieces.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you.

You've got the brain of a four year old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.

All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.