CuteChoice > One Liners > Funny movie quotes from Groucho Marx

But what makes wage slaves? Wages! (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. (Groucho Marx in A Day at the Races, 1937)

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

(Answering telephone.) Hello? Yes? Ice water in 318? Is that so? Where'd you get it? Oh, you want some. Get some onions, that'll make your eyes water. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

Hello, I must be going. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

I'd have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didn't have a tape measure.. (Groucho Marx in Go West, 1940)

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you. (Groucho Marx in A Day at the Races, 1937)

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce, and so will my wife. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

Room service? Send up a larger room. (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. (Groucho Marx in A Day at the Races, 1937)

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much? (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

That's what I always say. Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

Whatever it is, I'm against it. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

While hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas I'll never know. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

Why did I sit with her? Because she reminds me of you, that why I'm here with you, because you remind me of you, your eyes, your throat, your lips, everything about you reminds me of you ... except you. How do you account for that? (if she figures that one out she's good.) (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

You know you've got the brain of a four-year old child, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)