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Abortion
Studies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.
Advice
She can offer lots of advice. Good advice. Advice that's been passed down from generation to generation and never been used.
Ballet
He went to a ballet once. He didn't like it. He couldn't even tell who won.
Barbecue
Why is it lighting an outdoor grill always makes the wind blow?
Candy
Have you ever wondered why the same candy bar that rots a child's teeth is a wonderful source of quick energy for adults?
Childhood
I had a terrible childhood. I'm probably the only guy in history who was once bitten by the Tooth Fairy.
Cooking
If it's moral, my wife's done it to a chicken.
Handy
He's probably the only guy in town who ever got his finger caught in a screwdriver.
Luck
She called the gas company one Friday afternoon -- they kept her on "Hold" all weekend.
Marriage
She believes a good marriage is based on noise. A husband shouldn't make any.
Movies
Why should I pay $9.00 for a movie ticket when I can see the same movie on TV for $40.00 a month?
Parenting
Remember, parents, never let your daughter take a purse to church large enough to hold a kitten.
Religious
He always listens to his conscience -- that still small inner voice that warns him when somebody's watching.
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